Humor: How the Continental Army Won the Revolution by Taking Over Airports

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“The Continental Army suffered a bitter winter of Valley Forge, found glory across the waters of the Delaware and seized victory from Cornwallis of Yorktown. Our Army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do.” - Donald J. Trump, July 4, 2019
From the newly revised edition of "The British Are Coming," by Rick Atkinson and Donald J. Trump:
General William Howe, commander of the British armies in North America, was flummoxed. One day after Congress approved the Declaration of Independence in Philadelphia, his spies noticed a buildup of Continental Army forces near La Guardia Airport, a vital gateway to the British transatlantic air bridge from the Mother Country. Writing anxiously to Lord North, Howe fretted that the Rebels' latest endeavors threatened his troops' logistics, especially the all-important ability to resupply by air, and implored the Prime Minister to "send with the utmost of expediency, a squadron of Royal Air Force Harriers, or, better yet, Tornados."
In London, this missive was received with both alarm and incredulity. "My dear General Howe," Lord North wrote in reply to this latest request from New York, "we are sending you everything we can, including Hessian mercenaries and new Brown Bess muskets, but you are asking His Majesty's government to provide you with equipment that will not be available for some time. Please inquire about these newfangled planes in 1985."


July 5, 1776, somewhere on Manhattan Island
Dearest Martha,
Our forces have, after a day's hard fighting, captured George the Third International Airport and destroyed fourscore and seven Royal Air Force Spitfires, as well as a British Airways 747 which was carrying 400 fully-equipped redcoats. It was a costly effort, to be sure, but if the United Colonies of America do form a Republic that lasts for a thousand years, men will still say, "This was their finest hour."

Incidentally, I was thinking of renaming this airport Idlewild, but I am open to suggestions.
Your devoted husband,
George Washington
5 July 1776
From William Howe, General Officer in Command, His Majesty's Forces in North America
To His Excellency the King's Chief Minister, Lord North
Sir,
I have been requesting more assistance from the Royal Air Force in our endeavours to bring this accurs'd Rebellion to a felicitous and timely end in favour of Great Britain, but so far my pleas fall on deaf ears. The Americans have captured several of our aerodromes, and the few Spitfires that Fighter Command hath seen fit to dispatch are now in Rebel hands. If the North American Command is denied further air reinforcements, then I foresee the day when we will have to quit our positions on this part of the Empire and treat our rebellious countrymen as an independent power. I fear the worst is yet to come.
I remain, sire,
Your Obdt. Servant,
General William Howe

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