Bloggin' On: Tristis Memoriam, or Five Years After

Hello, Dear Reader. It's Monday, March 2, 2020, and it's late morning here in my corner of Florida. Currently, the temperature outside is 73℉ (23℃) under partly sunny skies; per the forecast for the day, the high is expected to reach 76℉ (26℃), while the low for tonight will be 59℉ (15℃).

Well, in three days I will be 57 years old. I have mixed feelings about this; on the one hand, I am glad to be alive and thrilled that Ronnie and the Pursuit of the Elusive Bliss, the short film I wrote last year for my friend Juan Carlos Hernandez, turned out as well as it did. So far, in the three weeks since Juan posted it on YouTube, Ronnie has been watched 1,216 times (as of this writing). It has also gotten its first official review; Blogger/reviewer Denise Longrie says Ronnie and the Pursuit of the Elusive Bliss is an "amusing and enjoyable short."

A still image from Ronnie and the Pursuit of the Elusive Bliss. 

She goes on to describe the dynamic of the family depicted in the film:

It's fun to watch the family members interact with each other. There's no malice. The different characters become angry and annoyed at each other. In less capable hands, their portrayals could have been cardboard clowns. However, even when they're at their most ridiculous, these characters remain human beings with depth. - Denise Longrie, Old and New Stories, Mostly Old. 

So, as far as screenwriting goes, I'm content, although I do hope that more people watch our timely comedy on YouTube. And I do plan to start writing another script soon.

However, I am once again feeling sad and uncertain about both the past and the future. This morning, for instance, I was overcome by cold and mind-numbing grief when I remembered that on March 5 it will be the fifth birthday since my mother died in July of 2015. My mind was flooded with memories of that last birthday "celebration" that my older half-sister and I participated in - it was a bleak and strained joint observance; Vicky's birthday is March 10, and for the last 20 years of Mom's life we alternated "parties" rather than have individual celebrations.

Now, before Mom got really sick in late 2009 and Vicky and I still tried to be civil to each other, my half-sister went out of her way to make our birthday celebrations enjoyable. But by 2015, she dropped all pretenses of being nice to me, so for that year the "birthday party" consisted of two $5 pizzas from Little Ceasar's that she picked up on her way to what was still Mom's townhouse. I was still trying to be conciliatory then so I gave her the Frozen DVD she had asked for. I'm sure that she gave me a present, but for the life of me, I can't recall what it was. Mom didn't really give either one of us anything; by March 2015 the dementia was so bad that I had to handle all of her affairs. I made sure Vicky got a check in her name from Mom's account as a gift. Otherwise, Vicky would have had a fit.

Also, by March of 2015, I was painfully aware that Mom's physical and mental state was deteriorating every day. While Vicky kept on insisting that our mother would live to see Christmas 2015, I was of the opinion that she'd be lucky to live till Halloween. Of course, I could not say that to my half-sister; she lived in a cloud of denial that I found offensive and pathetic, especially because she had just retired from nursing. So while I was already mourning for my mom, Vicky was either telling everyone that Mom would still be around for the winter holiday season or, worse, making a mental inventory of the things she wanted to take when Mom was no longer among the living.

These sad memories have been assailing me since I woke up, so much so that I had to go watch TV in the common room until my mind could handle some writing tasks.

Oh, man. Tristis Memoriam indeed.