Talking About Relationships: Will a boyfriend seem over-possessive and controlling if he politely tells his girlfriend to not wear mini skirts when going out?

Will a boyfriend seem over-possessive and controlling if he politely tells his girlfriend to not wear mini skirts when going out?

Before I answer, I’m going to make an assumption about the person who wrote the question. I’m betting that he’s not from a Western, i.e. European/North American socially liberal culture, even though he may be living in Western Europe (the United Kingdom included), the U.S., or Canada.

I say this because this is the sort of question that someone from a patriarchal, hierarchical, and socially conservative culture would feel at ease asking.

Well, sweet summer child, yes, a boyfriend or even a husband will indeed “seem over-possessive and controlling if he politely tells his girlfriend to not wear mini skirts when going out.”

You see, in a healthy, loving relationship in a modern, pluralistic, non-theocratic society, the ideal scenario does not involve having one partner “politely telling” the other what not to wear when going out, except in situations where:

1. The clothes one selects are not appropriate for the weather conditions. Example: It’s snowing and the temperature is 15 degrees below zero. In this situation, the boyfriend might want to point out that if the woman in question chooses to wear a miniskirt, she’s courting a serious case of hypothermia
2. The couple is going to attend a special occasion, like the woman’s Aunt Eunice’s funeral or her Cousin Frank’s high school graduation, where wearing a mini is not appropriate

And even in these situations, the boyfriend is still not entitled to “tell” anyone what to wear; the only thing the guy has a “right” to do is to use tact and logic and suggest appropriate attire to fit the circumstances.

So if you’re the type of guy from a culture where men make all the rules and dictate what women can or can’t do and must “heed the words” of a male, you have to understand that in most Western societies, it is generally understood that relationships work best when

1. Men don’t treat their female partners as if they were property or small children
2. Women are treated as equals and with respect

Do I make my meaning clear?