Further Adventures in Screenwriting: He Likes It, He Really Likes It!

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Image by Lukas Bieri from Pixabay 
I was going to take the rest of Sunday off, but I received a series of encouraging texts from my New York City-based collaborator and friend, Juan Carlos Hernandez, about my recently-completed screenplay for Happy Days Are Here Again. 

Juan and I have been working on our most ambitious collaboration to date since he and his wife Adria completed the post-production phase of A Simple Ad in May. As I've said in previous posts, Juan had originally asked me for a comedy rather than what he got in A Simple Ad, which was a brief but poignant rumination about loss and grief.

And although Juan and Adria liked the script well enough to devote time and effort into making it into a short film, they still wanted a comedy script from me. This time, though, Juan wanted a longer, more elaborate screen story that included a part for his son Anthony, who is studying drama in college up in New York State.

I eventually settled on a situation comedy-style script that is aesthetically and thematically similar to Norman Lear's All in the Family. Of course, with a cast of three actors, I could not create a supporting cast of characters as large as that of Lear's groundbreaking television comedy, but I could at least try to evoke some of the comedic and dramatic elements of the show.

Jerry looks sheepishly at his mom.

JERRY
Sorry, Mom.  Didn't mean to scare you.

RONNIE
(calmer)
That's okay.  I guess I was just too focused on these coupons.

JERRY
I haven't seen you that surprised since you saw that garter snake in Grandpa's backyard.

RONNIE
It was a big garter snake.  I thought it was going to kill me. 

Jerry smiles in amusement and, taking advantage of his mother's distraction, tries to grab a pastry from the McCloskey's box.

Ronnie swats Jerry's hand lightly playfully, pretending that she's shocked, shocked that he wants to eat one of the apple muffins.

JERRY
Mom, garter snakes are not poisonous.

RONNIE
I didn't know that when I saw it!

JERRY
I did!  That's one of the things I learned as a Boy Scout, as a matter of fact.

RONNIE
Well, not everyone in this family was a Scout.  And you know how I feel about snakes.

JERRY
(humming the Raiders March from Indiana Jones)
You hate snakes.  
(beat)
Maybe you should call Steven Spielberg and ask him if you can be an extra in Indiana Jones and the Search for Geritol.

They both laugh, and Ronnie moves her hand away from the pastry box.  Jerry grabs an apple muffin and takes a bite.

RONNIE
Hey, kid.  Go easy on the snacks.  Don't forget that we're supposed to go to Calle Ocho with your dad later.

I wrote the script relatively quickly; I think I spent three days on the first draft (10 pages a day) and sent it to New York via email as soon as I finished. Juan wanted to shoot it in July because his son would be home from college and thus available for the shoot.

Well, as it turned out, we all ended up working on another comedy (Clown 345), and then AJ had to go to Europe to study drama in Scotland, so we had to postpone the making of Happy Days Are Here Again till later in the year.

Of course, this meant that the script had to be changed; it was set in New York City, late spring. Now it's set in New York but in late fall.

And, apparently, Juan had not really read the screenplay too closely when I submitted it originally, because, in addition to the aforementioned changes in seasons, he had a grab bag of suggestions and requests.

Of course, I did my best to give him the changes that he needed, which boiled down to two points of interest:


  1. We need edgier, more dramatic conflict between characters
  2. We need more jokes
So, for the first three working days of last week, I added more dialogue between my versions of Archie Bunker and Mike Stivic. In addition, I changed some of the scenes so that the film could have a nice balance between interior and exterior scenes. (It's still pretty much an interior-set film, a la All in the Family, but it now has a few exterior shots, too.)

Today - which I swore would be my day off after my morning blog post - I got extremely encouraging feedback from New York, which I'm going to share with you.

Earlier this afternoon, Juan texted: 

I like working on this. First, your structure is good. I know you said you don't think about it, but it's there. This makes it easy to go through. I've hardly touched the content; maybe a few jokes and small changes. The context is where I tried to strengthen things; Act Two needed a little more action, so it's not just arguing.  

So, it looks like the process is going well. I only wish I could be there in person to go over the changes and make suggestions regarding tone and the overall look; nevertheless, I'm pleased with the way the project is looking so far. 


Location: United States

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