The trials of caregiving, continued
Today is Saturday, December 8, 2012. Though it's a bit cloudy and somewhat warm for a December day, it's nice enough outside for people to be going out on walks or to run errands. I really want to be out of this house, doing anything, really, but because our weekend aide (Margarita) is only here for one hour on Saturdays and Sundays, I can only go out for a brief stroll around the block, and that is not really enough for me, kind readers.
I've never been much of a "roamer" who needs to be out of the house all day just to for the sake of being anywhere but home. When I was a student or had consulting/ghostwriting gigs which required me to be elsewhere, I enjoyed it, but because I was not a party animal and did not date anyone back then, I was fairly content with being a homebody.
Now that I'm taking care of my sick mother, I desperately long for any physical escape from my environment. It's one thing to pick-and-choose when one goes to see a movie or go out to a mall to do some shopping (something I rarely do anyway since I prefer online shopping). It's quite another thing to be stuck in a house, usually on the ground floor not far from mom's bedroom, knowing that I'm "on call" as long as my mom is awake and there is no one here (be it my older sister or the aides) to take care of her needs, whatever those may be.
Much of my time - for good or ill - is spent at what I call my "work area." Until 2010, I used to spend much of my writing hours in my upstairs bedroom, which is where my desktop PC is set up. Now my work area is in the dining room, where it is close to the kitchen and on the same floor as mom's sick room.
On a good day, I can focus on writing to some degree with some success. This month I've managed to do two reviews for Epinions and maybe a couple of "real" blog entries. My good writing days are usually those when other people - including my sister - are here and can watch over mom, or when she has a therapy session or a doctor's appointment and is not here. On those occasions I can put on a little music and put a readable article together with some ease.
But when mom and I are left alone most of the day, I have to try and work in near-total silence. I can't turn on the TV or put a DVD on my laptop because the sounds will make it hard for me to hear mom calling. It's like working in a monastery where all the monks have taken vows of silence. I can write fairly well in a quiet environment, yes, but I prefer to have some music as background score - it helps the thoughts to flow and come together.
Today, unfortunately, is one of those silent-as-a-monastery days here. So far Mom has been fairly calm and quiet; I just gave her a snack of four Who Nu? chocolate chip cookies and a glass of Lifeway Keffir yogurt smoothie, so at least I don't have to worry that she's hungry. Maybe she'll get sleepy and take a nap soon, too...it'll help her day go faster and allow to me to get at least a little respite from being Mr. Nurse.
Still, I long for the days when I could go out whenever I felt like going out and not having so many damn worries.....
I've never been much of a "roamer" who needs to be out of the house all day just to for the sake of being anywhere but home. When I was a student or had consulting/ghostwriting gigs which required me to be elsewhere, I enjoyed it, but because I was not a party animal and did not date anyone back then, I was fairly content with being a homebody.
Now that I'm taking care of my sick mother, I desperately long for any physical escape from my environment. It's one thing to pick-and-choose when one goes to see a movie or go out to a mall to do some shopping (something I rarely do anyway since I prefer online shopping). It's quite another thing to be stuck in a house, usually on the ground floor not far from mom's bedroom, knowing that I'm "on call" as long as my mom is awake and there is no one here (be it my older sister or the aides) to take care of her needs, whatever those may be.
Much of my time - for good or ill - is spent at what I call my "work area." Until 2010, I used to spend much of my writing hours in my upstairs bedroom, which is where my desktop PC is set up. Now my work area is in the dining room, where it is close to the kitchen and on the same floor as mom's sick room.
On a good day, I can focus on writing to some degree with some success. This month I've managed to do two reviews for Epinions and maybe a couple of "real" blog entries. My good writing days are usually those when other people - including my sister - are here and can watch over mom, or when she has a therapy session or a doctor's appointment and is not here. On those occasions I can put on a little music and put a readable article together with some ease.
But when mom and I are left alone most of the day, I have to try and work in near-total silence. I can't turn on the TV or put a DVD on my laptop because the sounds will make it hard for me to hear mom calling. It's like working in a monastery where all the monks have taken vows of silence. I can write fairly well in a quiet environment, yes, but I prefer to have some music as background score - it helps the thoughts to flow and come together.
Today, unfortunately, is one of those silent-as-a-monastery days here. So far Mom has been fairly calm and quiet; I just gave her a snack of four Who Nu? chocolate chip cookies and a glass of Lifeway Keffir yogurt smoothie, so at least I don't have to worry that she's hungry. Maybe she'll get sleepy and take a nap soon, too...it'll help her day go faster and allow to me to get at least a little respite from being Mr. Nurse.
Still, I long for the days when I could go out whenever I felt like going out and not having so many damn worries.....
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