The Dreariest December...So Far
It's Sunday,. December 16, 2012. It's nice outside - sunny, 80 degrees Fahrenheit, and not humid - and I really want to go for a walk or simply go to the "little pool" on 97th Place and read a book out in the fresh air. Problem is, I can't do any of that because on weekends my mom's Nursing South Corporation aide is only here to perform what is called "personal hygiene duties" and can't stay longer than one hour. In fact, she's not even here yet and it's almost 1:30 PM. So because my mom is confined to bed and practically helpless, I am here in what used to be our dining room trying to write anything...a review, Facebook posts, emails or a blog entry. I need to exercise my mind somehow, since I can't watch TV or listen to music during Mom's waking hours in case she calls for me from her room.
I love my mom dearly and I try to carry out my duties as a caregiver with as best an outlook as I can muster, but some days, like today, I can't really say that I am happy to be in this situation. I try not to complain out loud in front of my mother because I know it will hurt her feelings, but I do feel frustrated that I can't go out when I want to, watch TV or listen to music when I need to break the monotonous silence of this house, or even be as productive/creative as a writer as I used to be before the summer of 2010.
Even worse, like millions of caregivers all over the United States, I am finding that the holiday season is far more depressing than I ever imagined. Not only is Mom's mood putting a dampener on things here (she has been suffering from depression for over eight months), but both my older sister and I are thinking that this might be Mom's last Christmas with us. This, above all, is crushing my spirit to the negative number realm. I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all even though, for my sister's sake, I am going through the motions of getting a few presents for the "family gathering" (just us three) on December 24/25.
For those readers who might be history buffs, today is the 68th anniversary of the start of the Ardennes Counteroffensive, which was Hitler's last gamble to wrest victory in the West against the Anglo-American Allies at the end of 1944. Known better as the Battle of the Bulge, it was the biggest battle ever fought by the U.S. Army (with over 600,000 troops involved), a record which still stands.
I love my mom dearly and I try to carry out my duties as a caregiver with as best an outlook as I can muster, but some days, like today, I can't really say that I am happy to be in this situation. I try not to complain out loud in front of my mother because I know it will hurt her feelings, but I do feel frustrated that I can't go out when I want to, watch TV or listen to music when I need to break the monotonous silence of this house, or even be as productive/creative as a writer as I used to be before the summer of 2010.
Even worse, like millions of caregivers all over the United States, I am finding that the holiday season is far more depressing than I ever imagined. Not only is Mom's mood putting a dampener on things here (she has been suffering from depression for over eight months), but both my older sister and I are thinking that this might be Mom's last Christmas with us. This, above all, is crushing my spirit to the negative number realm. I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all even though, for my sister's sake, I am going through the motions of getting a few presents for the "family gathering" (just us three) on December 24/25.
For those readers who might be history buffs, today is the 68th anniversary of the start of the Ardennes Counteroffensive, which was Hitler's last gamble to wrest victory in the West against the Anglo-American Allies at the end of 1944. Known better as the Battle of the Bulge, it was the biggest battle ever fought by the U.S. Army (with over 600,000 troops involved), a record which still stands.
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