Bloggin’ On: Thoughts Upon a Dark and Rainy Day in September 2020

 

Image by My pictures are CC0. When doing composting: from Pixabay 

Hi, there. Well, here we are on Tuesday, September 29, 2020. It’s mid-afternoon here as I write this; I’m composing this blog post during my enforced “airplane mode” period, so by the time you read this it will be late afternoon in my small, depressing, and lonely corner of Florida.

As you can guess from the post’s title, it’s a gloomy, rainy early autumn day here. According to the weather app on my smartphone, the current conditions indicate a light but steady rain, and the temperature is 77˚F. With humidity at 93% and the wind blowing from the southwest at 11 MPH, the feels-like temperature is 77˚F.

I have lived all of my life in places where it rains heavily at this time of year. Mostly the Miami area, but I have lived for extended periods in Bogota, which tends to be rainy and chilly at least during the local wet season. I also spent three months, or almost three months, in Sevilla (Seville, Spain. Boy, does it rain there like cats and dogs in the fall.

Sevilla...when it's not raining! Image by galadrim from Pixabay 

I still remember the torrential downpour that I got stuck under while walking back to my apartment in Los Remedios from my friend Ingrid’s apartment on the other side of the Guadalquivir River. Not only did I get hopelessly lost in the middle of the Parque de Maria Luisa, but I caught a nagging cold that did not fully clear up till I was back home in Miami.

Restlessness and Sadness 

Image by Jiří Rotrekl from Pixabay

Anyway, I feel sad and more than a bit eager to move out of the house where I currently hang my hat and writer’s shingle. However, even though I probably have enough money to buy an inexpensive property – ideally one that is habitable, within walking distance of a branch of my current bank and a shopping plaza with a Winn-Dixie or Publix, and won’t need extensive repairs or renovations, I can’t afford the upkeep. So now I’m stuck, like an insect caught in tree sap, in a house that I once loved with a woman that I was crazy about but now is in love with someone else.

But I am torn because at the same time, I have been told that it is unwise to make Big Decisions when you are grieving and feeling confused, angry, or depressed. Right now, I am feeling all those emotions simultaneously.

I suppose that if I were really desperate to move, I would move ASAP, no question about it. And trust me, part of me would ask my house-mate and her family to pack my belongings and help me find a new place that met my rather modest requirements.

Most of me, though, hates the idea of having to move. Trust me when I say this. I wasn’t terribly thrilled when it was suggested to me that the best solution to most of my post-July 2015 problems was to win my case in probate court (I did), sell my townhouse (which I also did), and move in with my current housemate (I have to think of her that way now) and her “kiddos.”  I did it, no matter how reluctant I felt about it, because I didn’t see any other outcome that would benefit everyone in the long run.

Just recalling the move here from Miami gives me great pause. I had to change HMOs because I now live outside the service area of South Florida-based Preferred Care Partners. I had to change my address for my Time magazine subscription, my credit card statement, my voter’s registration, my State of Florida ID, my banking account, and my current place of residency registration with Social Security. It wasn’t particularly time-consuming, but it was inconvenient at first, plus it was a reminder that I was not ready to be on my own.

So, ugh. It looks like I will just have to stay here and come to terms with the new reality. I am not doing too well with that, but I am going to have to do my best to accept the “situation.”

In the meantime, I’ll be trying to write a novel for this year’s NaNoWriMo project, which is a little over a month away from the start day of November 1. Maybe I will be able to come up with a readable novel…though I am not 100% certain of it. But…who knows? Maybe it will turn out to be a good book – one worthy of getting good reviews and even publication.