I am happy without toxic people in my life, Part III

Toxic relationships are dangerous to your health; they will literally kill you. – Bryant McGill

It’s a nice early January day in the Sunshine State. As I write this, it’s 81 degrees Fahrenheit under sunny skies. The house is quiet and peaceful – so much so that I’m thinking of playing some music…as soon as I decide what style of music I feel like listening to. Maybe I’ll grab a Frank Sinatra CD, or maybe I’ll listen to some classical music. Something calm and peaceful; I’m not in the mood for anything “bombastic” or “operatic” a la John Williams today.

As I sit in my quiet (for the moment, anyway) study, I’m trying to figure out why I can’t have a solid and loving relationship with my older half-sister Victoria. After all, she is my closest living relative, and we were supposed to get along a bit better after Mom’s death a year and a half ago. Was our estrangement inevitable, or should I have kept trying to close the breach that has existed between us for nearly 30 years?  

The idealistic dreamer in me wishes that I could get along with Vicky. After all, she’s probably having a hard time coping with the loss of our parent. Flawed and volatile as she is, Vicky is still a human being who needs affection and understanding.

And yet, the realist in me knows that it’s not in my best interest to keep such a toxic person as Vicky in my life. Her envy, her greed, her lack of remorse for all the horrible, hurtful, and – dare I say – evil things she has said and/or done to many people – including Mom and me – are reasons enough for me to adhere to a “no contact, no reconciliation” policy.

Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you. There is an undeniable mind-body connection. Your arguments and hateful talk can land you in the emergency room or in the morgue. – Bryant McGill 

Some of you may be wondering why I feel the way I do about my half-sister. Is it possible, you might be wondering, that I might be exaggerating about Vicky’s toxicity for nefarious reasons? After all, aren’t there two sides of a story in any dispute?

The answer to the first question is: No, I’m not exaggerating anything. I mean, I’m talking about someone who:

• Got my mom kicked out of an apartment because she claimed that she was not being fed properly
• Tried to get my dad (her stepfather) arrested by claiming he had struck her with a belt
• Nearly forced my dad to get a divorce from Mom because her behavior was out of hand
• Tried - and succeeded many times - to isolate our mom by falsely claiming that Vicky was never invited to our house for dinner  
• Complained to many people that Mom didn't love her 
• Claimed that I was a lousy college student and that my academic achievements (making the dean's list, earning an honors scholarship, being promoted to editorial positions on the student newspaper staff) were fabricated
• Called me her "worst enemy" on numerous occasions
• Conspired to get control of our mother's estate (especially the house, which she planned to sell without my consent)

You were not meant to live like animals tearing one another to shreds. Don't turn your hair gray. Don't carve a roadmap of pain into the sweet wrinkles on your face. Don't lay in the quiet with your heart pounding like a trapped, frightened creature. For your own precious and beautiful life, and for those around you — seek help or get out before it is too late. This is your wake-up call! - Bryant McGill

Before my mom passed away in July of 2015, I promised myself that I would no longer be a victim of sibling abuse. I had put up with Vicky's shenanigans for most of my life. Not for her sake, but for Mom's. I tried to keep the peace so Mom wouldn't see her two offspring constantly at each other's throats.

Unfortunately, Vicky gets off on negativity and conflict, and she constantly goads me into losing my temper. As a result, there were too many arguments and ugly incidents that took place during my mom's final days. There was no peace between us then. And now that she failed to win in probate court, there will be no peace between us now. 

I have come to realize that the only way I'll find peace and happiness is if I cast Vicky out of my life. I know that she's my half-sister and all that, but she's not someone I want to be around. For as John Mark Green puts it:

“Toxic people attach themselves like cinder blocks tied to your ankles, and then invite you for a swim in their poisoned waters." 

  PS. I ended up listening to John Williams after all. 

#JohnWilliams